Why the Mental Load is SO Exhausting
When I began diving into mental load work, I was genuinely shocked to learn there are people who either dismiss it or don’t believe it is real. I can understand when someone is unfamiliar with the terminology or hasn't encountered the idea before. But what continues to surprise me is when people do understand the concept—and still push back against it.
To me, it’s so clear. The mental load is a constant, often invisible weight—one I’ve carried myself and witnessed countless others shoulder in both personal and professional settings. It’s the ongoing, behind-the-scenes work of planning, remembering, anticipating, and managing that keeps everything running—but rarely gets recognized.
Personally, I can’t unsee it. And that’s exactly why I’ve made it my mission to educate, inspire, and empower as many people as I can to recognize the mental load for what it is: real labor with real consequences for our health, our relationships, and our overall well-being.
So, Why is the Mental Load SO Exhausting?
Eve Rodsky did extensive research on the mental load and captured it brilliantly in her book Fair Play—a must-read if this topic speaks to you. One of the most impactful frameworks Eve introduces is the breakdown of the mental load into three distinct phases: Conception, Planning, and Execution—or “CPE.” This model alone sheds light on why the mental load feels so heavy.
It’s not just about remembering to do something. That’s only the beginning. You first have to conceive of the task, plan how and when it will get done, and then finally execute it. Now imagine going through that full mental cycle for every single task in a day.
Another key factor to consider is that the Conception and Planning phases—the parts that take up the most mental space—are often completely invisible. Unlike Execution, which we can see happening (like folding laundry or cooking dinner), the thinking and organizing behind those tasks happen silently, internally.
Because these mental tasks aren’t visible, they’re easy to overlook or undervalue. Our culture tends to place more importance on what can be seen—the physical act of doing—rather than the invisible labor of anticipating, deciding, and coordinating. But without Conception and Planning, Execution wouldn't even be possible.
Many of our daily activities—like brushing our teeth, eating, or getting to work—feel like they’re on autopilot. But they still take up mental space. Even when the planning seems minimal, we're constantly making micro-decisions: What’s next? What’s urgent? How do I fit this in?
The truth is, we’re always managing our time, priorities, and responsibilities in the background—and that’s the essence of the mental load. This is just the beginning of truly understanding the full impact of the mental load. What makes it especially challenging is not only managing your own mental load—but also carrying the weight of others’. This often includes the invisible responsibilities tied to your partner, your children, or even coworkers.
Juggling your own tasks while anticipating, planning, and managing things for others compounds the pressure—and that’s where the mental load becomes truly overwhelming, especially when your partner assumes, expects, or unconsciously relies on you to carry more of it.
Written by Rebecca Svrjcek, LCSW-C, Certified Life Coach
